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Pearly Gates

 

Name of Play:    Pearly Gates

Playwright:        Will Owen

Type of Play:      Playlet

Synopsis
Cast Breakdown
Scene Breakdown
Production Requirements
Contact Information
Script

 

Synopsis:   In a surprise and unwelcome interruption of daily life, a person gets the call from up above.

Cast Breakdown:  Actor or actress who plays the person who takes the call.

Scene Breakdown:   The action takes place in one background -- wherever the person takes the call.

Production Requirements:  If the members of the audience pay for tickets, the playwright gets paid.  If the actors, actresses and other production artists get paid, the playwright also gets paid.  If there's no box office and all the production artists work for free, the playwright works for free too.  The playwright is a member of the Dramatists Guild of America, Inc.  In instances of professional productions, Dramatists Guild royalty, contract etc. guidelines apply.  So long as no changes are made to the text, so long as all copies are given away free of any charge, and so long as the author's full ownership of his work (copyright etc.) is duly acknowledged, the script can be downloaded, printed, copied and distributed for use in rehearsals and auditions, classes and workshops, etc.

Contact Information:   All inquiries are sincerely welcome. I can be reached by regular mail at:
Will Owen, Willow N TheaterShows, Box 25447, Washington DC 20007 USA
or by e-mail at: willow_nts@hotmail.com

Script:   Pearly Gates is published here (www.willow-n.com/scripts/pg/pg.htm).  Downloading this work in whole or part implies accepting the Copyright Acknowledgement.

 

copyrighted play and performance scripts, registered trademark -- all rights reserved -- www.willow-n.com

 

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Pearly Gates

 

 

Will Owen

 

 

to Les Weyre, tax lawyer extraordinaire

 

 

monologue for stage performer
© William Owen
www.willow-n.com
Willow N TheaterShows -- WNTS
Box 25447
Washington DC 20007 USA

 

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TIMES AND SCENES

 

THE ACTION TAKES PLACE NOW ANYWHERE SOMEONE CAN TAKE A PHONE CALL

 

 

CHARACTERS

 

THE PERSON WHO TAKES THE CALL  (actor or actress)

 

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Pearly Gates

pg:  background is anywhere someone can take a phone call; monologuer is on.

 

PHONE
Bee-bee-buh-lee-bleep, beep, beep, beep...ringtones etc.

M
Hello?  ...  Yeah..yeah, that's me.  ...  Who is this?  ...  C'mon. You can't be serious. Not here. Not now. I just got here. I'm still learning!  ...  What do you mean, "yeah, but my time has come?" My time for what?  ...  You got to be kidding?  ...   Do you know who I am? Do you know how busy I am? And what? Like you control my schedule? Do you know who controls my schedule? Not you! Not last I heard! I'm busy, busy with 'way too many first things first in life. No, seriously, I've got a lot to do.  ...   "No choice"? "We have no choice". That's what they all say when they want to do something mean and stupid. My number isn't up, okay? I refuse with every one of the umpteen billion cells I'm made of now -- and every one they'll still generate as replacements between now and..and then... You got that?  ...   Yes..yes..yes, of course.  ...  I'm listening, I'm listening. I've always believed in listening -- it's always been a big part of my success, interpersonally and financially.  ...   Look, like before we like plunge into this, I mean can't we like negotiate something -- at least let's explore the possibilities? Could there be something in it for you? Of course. Let's just think through the options, okay?  ...   Uh-huh.  ...  "No more if ands or buts than you had when life you were launched on..when that doctor slapped your butt?"  ...  C'mon. I'm serious. I'm telling you, there's a win-win here somewhere -- for you, your organization, your suppliers and your customers. Tell me a little bit about yourself..and how'd you say you got my number?  ...   You got everybody's number?  ...  I know, I know, I'm old enough to remember when there used to be privacy -- and even the government respected it too..now look what we've come to, in so many areas of life -- and those I won't miss. What did you say your name was?  ...   No, of course I've heard of you.  ...  I mean, yeah I understand like why me, but like why you?  ...  Uh-huh, right. "For market adaptation reasons -- the variety of the cultural contexts evolved for the human primate's cortex -- you employ a wide range of product platforms."  ...  Uh-huh. "But in the end I can rest assured all human customers are equally served?" Great. You don't have like a gold card, special privileges program, where you can get like a little exception maybe?  ...  Right. Well, at least something's equal for all.  ...  You're telling me it's too bad? Who is this anyway, really?  ...   Sure, that's one way of putting it -- you're the representative of my tradition's wisdom? Look,would it be too much to ask..can I talk to your supervisor?  ...  No, I get it. You're like the messenger of the messenger -- and the Big's got lots of messengers, like you say "due to reasons of historical circumstance?"  ...  Uh-huh, so you're like the flunky of the flunky?  ...  Right. "Authorized representatives are not flunkies." Tell me about it.  ...  No, no, I didn't mean it that way. Really.. I see, I see -- you're from like from one of the hypergroup's core denominational divisions, but the CEO, headquarters and the commitment behind the brands that's cosmos-wide.  ...  Right, like including all life itself in dominance and market penetration.  ...  In outlook and will to action, you clearly have a very strong organizational culture. And that's good, that's good -- as I've always said, success begins with total clarity about your core business.  ...  Not a business? A public service maybe, necessary for society? I mean, after all, where would we be if everybody lived as..as they would otherwise -- or as long as they wanted to? I mean, step outside the box for a minute and consider..if you shifted the paradigm, made it all a little more transparent and interactive so people could have some kind of empowerment over..over -- you know what I mean? And think of the revenue stream like if you could collect for What? Yessir! Ohhhh..it's You!? No, of course, not -- sorry. I didn't mean it like that, honest. Please, don't get me wrong.   ...  No, not at all. No, I really do understand.  ...  Yes, I understand. I really do. The one, true...  ...  Absolutely. Would I be one to doubt that?  ...  What do you mean, specially at a time like this?  ...   Wait, I'm just feeling..feeling so...  ...  This is actually quite stressful, now that I think of it...  ...  Why would I be upset? So what if it happens to everybody? It wasn't supposed happen to me, I mean like actually..at least not yet! Wouldn't you be upset? Weren't you upset when it happened to you?  ...  Okay, so to one of your representives? Listen, please..I'm truly grateful for everyone and everything -- every single day so far and all the good and blessings in them. And I really appreciate your taking the time to talk to me personally. It's just I'm...still really busy. I've got a lot of things going on -- all sorts of things I got to do before... I can't just, you know...  ...  I need some time..get things..get my life..what? No, no, no, I understand completely -- thank-you, thank you more than I can say, but...  ...  Yes, yes..I'll do my best. Bye...  ...   Hello?  ...  Hello?  ...  You're back? For a minute there I tought I was on hold for the next available representative -- now that would have given me some extra time. Wait a minute, you're not the same representative.  ...  "Doesn't matter at this stage," huh? No, why doesn't it matter? People are very attached to their..  ...  Yeah, we did talk. It was awesome. In fact, as I was saying, I need some time, get things lined up like they ought to be..even the material things... Like what's going to happen to my money? You're going to take me away from that too -- all the good things my money can do?   ...  "Leave it safely behind with the living, like the memory you leave of yourself with them"?  ...  "And it's not going to make any difference anyway where you're going"?   ...   Where am I going? And what do you know what makes a difference to me? All my life I've worked hard for what I've got. That's what I've done, really done -- that's where my time has gone -- all those hours slaving in the office, and developing ideas, and creating opportunities and work for others, and projecting for the future, calmly, without wishful thinking and without ripping anybody off like those politician dealmakers and Washington influence peddlers -- it's not just me that's gotten rich; I've helped other people get rich! And what do I get for that? That I'm just supposed to leave it all behind..pfftt..like I don't care? Let me tell you something, people are very upset that they can't take it with them after all they've done -- after all the service they've rendered -- to make their money. I'm serious! At its most successful, it's highly creative work.  ...  And then..  ...   No! Why?  ...  Everything has to adapt itself to its times..and that goes for everything. Money has a different meaning now -- you can't just disappear it from people're lives like it's just some material trash with no meaning when it's the very essence of our interconnectivity the way we live today?  ...  "But not tomorrow?" Very funny. I always consider carefully where my money goes -- you are who you give your money to -- and never believe you don't get something back, whether you get what you spent for, or more -- or not.  ...  Look, I'm serious, just because that's how you've always done it, doesn't mean you can't innovate now.  ...  How do you know it won't make any difference to me? Do you realize how much I've paid in taxes all my life -- and it still gets to me how much of it they keep squandering on pig-headed uselessness. Some of it, I'm glad to pay -- even more if they'd just simplify the extraction process so you can understand it and it's like the same for everybody.  ...  You don't think like you could arrange for some devine inspiration for those lawyers in Washington working on tax reform? Get them off the legal text bickering and make them see it's about how people are relatively richer and poorer in the way of the world today? And then make it equal for all.  ...  Well, yeah -- like that, come to think of it if they're both so inevitable. Look, I remember every dime I've had to cough up in taxes -- and it adds up -- and you think I don't care about it after how they've wasted it -- so much of it anyway -- and now you want me to like kick the bucket and leave behind all I could still do with what's left over like in some kind of death tax? You know something else, the problem isn't inheiritance taxes, it's the fact of inheiritance -- after all it's mine, why shouldn't I take it with me if I want to? If I'd wanted my deadbeat distant relatives to have it, I'd have given it to them long ago. In fact I've invested heavily and very successfully in the ones that weren't deadbeats -- and in all the close relatives -- no matter what they were. And you know what, it hasn't been easy providing those slackers the skills and the attitude to get in there and make the best of all our planet has to offer. It was gratifying using money to make things happen for me and others. And you're telling me I'm not going to miss it?  ...  What?  ...  Oh, well, thanks..nyah,forget good works -- it was an investment.  ...   Look, tell me something, have you ever had a creative business idea that made lots of money?  ...  So? So that's why you're a blessed one honcho saint up there, right? Well, let me tell you, things have changed throughout creation and money matters just as much as all that other stuff people believe in -- you can't say that 'cause it's not spiritually correct, I know but look at what really makes this planet's society seethe with life and heals or hurts the lives of all the people on it. What does love and sharing mean if there's no giving of means to gain a better life -- and that includes opportunity and all it brings from education and R-and-D time to develop innovative ideas so you can make some money of your own and have the satisfaction of throwing it away on stupid stuff of every kind you never got the time to use.. Am I right, or am I right?  ...  Why? So that's why I should leave it all behind? No, not at all -- no way! You don't understand. I don't want to take any of the things I own -- I need time to cash it all in -- sell every last piece of everything  ...   No! not give it all away. I've already given nearly all of it away. I mean, is this reasonable or is this reasonable? I just want to keep a small stake so I can stay in the game. After all, it's mine, why shouldn't I keep it if I want to? Look, I just want to keep a couple accounts alive -- they're just numbers tracked by compters really -- how much of a deal can that be to just take some numbers with me? The're practically metaphysical already. It's not like we're talking ancient tombs filled with finery for the journey to the other side -- just let me take some numbers in computers accessible for debiting and crediting to do all that stuff that only money can do. You know, like I'm still there? They're my numbers -- I earned them, the old fashioned way -- and people have real faith in them, so far.  ...   What do you mean "which just goes to show?" I disagree completely.  ...  When you're in the right, it's never too late to disagree.  ...  I'm not hanging it up. Don't hang up! Listen, listen...really...I'm really...really...Ohhhhh, shit  ...  I mean how 'bout if you just move down in your to do list, like put me down to call me later, like at some future date? Maybe we could do lunch?  ...  Can't do it huh?  ...  Like that'u'd put your job on the line, start messing with people's destiny, taking it out of their own hands to make the best of their good fortune or total lack thereof. Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense.  ...  No, no, I wouldn't want to put anybody at risk -- myself included.  ...  I understand. No! Damn it, I don't! How 'bout it? Please! One last reprieve on the fragility of life?  ...  What do you mean, "I've had one all along -- just like everybody else?" Hey, you're not coming through to me -- you're really not.  ...  I refuse to die!  ...  Listen, I'm just feeling a tad woozy -- I've always handled stress well, but...but...  ...  How 'bout if I just rest here for a minute, get my strength back  ...  Call me back, call me back okay, and we'll work something out, I'm sure of it.

starts to fall asleep

PHONE
Hello. Your correspondent may be unavailable. While you wait, press the pound sign for our shopping services, or press star for a message of the day.

M
Oh, I don't know. Somehow I just don't feel like shopping right now. I think I'll just take a deep breath for a minute, maybe take a little power nap, right now.

falls asleep

PHONE
Bee-bee-buh-lee-bleep, beep, beep, beep...ringtones etc.
If now you fall to sleep no more to wake,
then may your truest prayers be truly answered,
and on to new and lasting life your soul betake.
If so it is, then best you lead your life uncancered
by woundings of unkindness or injustice
that rend the life of those you leave bereft.
Or not. If death's no more than it-just-is,
then what's it matter what legacy you've left?
Or what? Except in our remembering
are those who raise their face and act up justly
set apart from those who turn away dismembering
that kinship bonds of human equity and mercy?
At last breath taken by this body, mind, and beast
who won't think on all that matters most and least?

THE END

 

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